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Jase’s girls are here while their school is closed and this has been the perfect activity for us. We don’t notice the hours go by. The other night we painted through the dinner hour. That will certainly keep us from running out of food, hahaha!
Yesterday was a bit rough as my youngest son celebrated his 16th birthday in Illinois. It’s a challenge to not feel like a shit mother, him living so far away. The dialogue in my brain is murderous.
I used to make him loaves of the best banana bread on his bday. He sent a text asking for the recipe. His dad’s girlfriend had made some, and in my son’s exact words “it’s drier than the desert.”
Breaks my heart into a million pieces and punches a hole in my gut that will never be filled. 16 years old and he still wants mom’s banana bread. Did he have to make it himself after I sent the recipe?
Life can throw us a few unforeseen punches, can it not? I chose to leave the Midwest after getting divorced. I’ve asked many times if I should move back and every time my son’s reply “No mom, coming to visit gives me something to look forward too.”
Long story short, I couldn’t afford to bring him with me and his dad would never allow it.
So, in the midst of the pain, gratitude cuddles up next to it. Thankful we have maintained a relationship. Thankful to be close to all 4 of my boys although I’m no longer with their father.
Have you ever taken time to just think? It can be hard to do with so much on our plate. Even if you aren’t doing anything, you just feel to busy. As a moody teenager, it always feels hard to so, but sometimes I like to just lay down, relax, and think. When you take time to think you may realize, have I made the best decisions? Have I been doing what I should be? How long has it been since i last had fun? Have I done the stuff on my bucket list yet? As the everyday person, we never want to push our limits, never want to step out of our box, never want to stop. Maybe it’s time to change that?
Here is what I want you to do, try something that relaxes you. Sometimes we may not know what relaxes us and if that’s the case then maybe you shloud try and find out. Today I got paint rocks with my dad, my sister, and Mare. I sat there for 3 hours letting my imagination run wild (but still calm of course). Maybe you like sports or drawing, whatever the case though, make some time to do that. To enjoy and relax yourself!
Oh my, where do i start? Hello! I’m Kasu! You know, the 11 year old you can find in the factiods about us. I am an anime artist, animator, and cosplayer! I’m writing this post because I’m interested about how the whole thing works! So I guess i will introduce myself! As i said I am anime artist and animator. I post my pieces on youtube just for fun! I am also a cosplayer! If you don’t know what a cosplayer is, it is where you dress up as a character from a video game, movie, anime, show, etc. I own a little gerbil my sister named Caffeinated Buns. A silly name for a silly boy!
Living the way I have has been hard but i could not have done it without my friends and family! I love them all dearly and have gotten so much support and love from them throughout my 11 years of living, shout out to my school and online besties! Also having to deal with middle has really given me stress with trying to get good grades and try not get bullied everyday. Though i’m dealing with all of these issues, I still try to push through it all and show the world who I really am!
When you meet me you would probably think “what’s with her?” or “why is she like that?” and i’m ok with that! People can think whatever they want, but I am me! They can’t control me (unless they are my parents). There are parts of me that are brave but I still lack some self confidence. When it comes to my beauty i’m not all that happy with it. I am trying to change and gain confidence, but it will be a big process. On social media I try not to show my face and just show them my art or animations. I try to ignore comments and believe in myself as much as possible
So yeah. I’m excited that 2020 has arrived and so has more of my creativity!I hope to post on here again because it was fun writing this all! Happy new year!
Our blended family founded on imperfection. Divorce, mental illness, physical illness, financial ruin, along with gobs of laughter, awareness and radical acceptance…….the only thing perfect here is we truly love one another and know we have nothing to hide in each others presence.
We’d like to extend warm holiday wishes to all and thank you for being a part of our lives.
We appreciate the stories and talents you are kind enough to share and for reading ours.
May we look toward the new decade embracing our difrences.
Came with the house. Diamonds is on the other side of the room. Our landlord is a hunter.
Lucy stares at me from my corner on the couch. Comforting in a morbid sort of way.
There’s a decorated carcass in the room.
So many directions to run with this idea……..the things in life we need to let go of but refuse to ……… the masks we wear…..the addictions we have “under control”……..etc….etc…etc….
Get’s me wondering how many decorated carcasses are showing up at holiday parties across the globe.
“Honey, please put a different tie/dress on your carcass so it blends in better, Uncle Frank will be there, you know how he gets.”
No matter how you cut it or slice it and pare life down to a minimum, there’s a carcass in the room.
I’ve got my own this year. I have one gift a piece for each of my 4 children. Had to use my credit card so I can pay rent. I can’t shake the fucking carcass of Holiday’s past, even though I have changed, my beliefs have changed, and my children have changed.
They are so excited to be here, all TOGETHER. Here for each other and for us. My 2 oldest live an hour from us and they asked to spend the night X-mas eve.
Excited to meet Jase’s girls for the first time. Our first blended family Christmas. All 9 of us.
News flash Mare, they don’t give a rip about gifts or that you didn’t bake cookies.
Let go of the carcass. Put both feet in the present. Show up as your vulnerable authentic self. Lucy is there reminding you to be free…………
“I can make memories with the couch or with the people I love.”
Stubborn little woman.
Snowed in for days……..I’m going too……I’ll recover later………It’s Thanksgiving for fucks sake……….
Keep your heart fierce.
A body is just a body after all.
We made the trek down the mountain, through the grocery store, and back up the mountain. As you can see, Jase has a pack on his back and on the front. That’s my pack. I had the job of carrying the chips and tofu. Even that was too much.
I carried the pain and the fatigue. We had a chat: “Listen here you 2 fuckers, if you insist on being in my life, I will demand on my way from time to time. You WILL NOT destroy me today. Because, you see, I’m a stubborn little woman. Put on your boots, lets go.”