Instant Pain In The Ass

It’s easy they said.

You can cook anything they said.

To prepare for living in the woods, I thought a good investment would be an instant pot. They’ve been around for a few years.

I’ve heard and read great things.

Online searches bring up positive feedback and mouthwatering recipes.

My own mind created visions of simple, healthy, low cost, backwoods meals with easy clean up.

My first impression: WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO?

The manual is pathetic. Using this thing IS rocket science and the manual is the equivalent of a 1st grade book. There’s nothing in it. It doesn’t even explain what each button is for. I feel like I’m the girl who got her period and no one explained it to me beforehand. I’M LOST.

Looking for answers on the internet is like trying to find real news on Covid-19. Laughable while simultaneously frustrating and confusing.

We had chicken drumsticks and rice in the house. I figured why not give it a whirl. Below is an online picture next to a picture of reality.

Although it looked unappetizing it tasted decent. I was impressed with the rice. It did have a better consistency than that of a rice cooker.

What no one tells you is it takes the instant pot time to warm up and build the pressure it needs to quickly cook the food. So a recipe that boasts of a cook time of 5 to 10 minutes is more like 20 minutes.

Now for the best part. We had a box of pancake mix in the house and I found a recipe for a giant instant pot pancake.

How hard could that be? See pictures below. Online and reality

This fucker was a bitch to make.

I followed the instructions to a T. Once the instant pot got going it started beeping and flashing a “burn food” warning.

Awesome.

It took an hour. Yes an hour to make this pathetic pale pancake and there is an inch of it burnt to the bottom of the pan.

Jase, the optimist that he is, ate it enthusiastically with a stick of butter and container of syrup.

If you weren’t worried about us moving into the woods before, you should be now. We are likely to starve out there.

There are plenty of instant pot cookbooks, but I’m not a fan.

I find cookbooks to be full of things I’d never eat, like tomato wheatberry soup, and by the time you purchase all the ingredients you’ve spent a weeks worth of grocery money on one recipe.

I prefer things basic.

I’m not giving up.

I will love the instant pot and the insanity it rode in on.

22 thoughts on “Instant Pain In The Ass

  1. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ Love this, thank you for making me laugh! Bloody machines, they always lie!! Canโ€™t wait to see tomorrows menu ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought I was the only one.
    We received the instant pot as a gift (because it does everything, is quick, etc.). We use it for rice… and for rice. It’s more or less a glorified rice cooker.
    Thank you for trying the pancake. I’ve always wondered about it but it just didn’t make sense to me. Now I know I was right.
    As for the chicken – you have to brown the drumsticks first before you cook it with anything else. You saute the chicken without closing the lid like you would in a pan. Once that is done, you change settings and use the instant pot as intended. I’d much rather brown it in my pan. Or in the oven.
    Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t have a pressure cooker. I have a slow cooker that has different functions for faster cooking. I do everything in it! Curries, rice, stews etc. I hardly use the stovetop anymore. And as for an oven replacement, I use our air fryer thing for chicken wings, potato fries…

    You wouldn’t need anything else! (IMO)

    You’ll get the hang off it. I didn’t read any silly handbook. I just trial and error until I finally got it right. Lots of bodge meals made with love ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Kathy ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m going to keep trying! We made pasta last night and it was really good! Kind of hard to screw up pasta hahaha! You’re right, the main ingredient is always love, with a dash of frustration and anxiety ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

    • This thing has a steam button. There are 14 buttons on this thing. I’m going to figure it out. The perfectionist in me wants to make perfect meals and when they don’t turn out perfect I want to throw the damn thing in the trash hahaha!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for making me laugh out loud! I actually had tears in my eyes. Sorry I’ve no experience with a pressure cooker or tips to share. One pot dishes over an open fire might be slower but just as easy… or maybe not. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love my Insta pot – I come out bang a heap of veges and red lentils veg stock etc in it – turn her on for 35 min and come back to a healthy lunch with left overs – I cook good stews and shanks too for Steve ( two people eating separate diets ๐Ÿ™„) itโ€™s okay keep working with it

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh I laughed a lot over this post (and sorry about that!) That pancake looked yummy!! Instant cooking is the opposite of the culinary fads raging here. Everyone is buying a crockpot or roasting at low temperatures for hours on end.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ugh, manuals these days are all pathetic when the gadgets are getting more elaborate and more temperamental. ๐Ÿ˜ž I have not used an instant pot, but I did try an air fryer that claimed it was easy and, spoilers, it wasn’t. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with fussy equipment at such a delicate transition time.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s