Are You Freakin The Frack Out?

I am.

Not because of the virus.

Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. I can’t pinpoint the trigger this time.

Maybe it’s feeling a loss of control.

We can say we have control of ourselves until we’re blue in the face. It may be true to some extent………….and then there’s

TRAUMA…….

When the old wounds of trauma are triggered, all bets are off.

Taming the effects of trauma takes work, and once you’ve been triggered, all the lessons fly right out the gaping hole that’s been ripped open.

We grasp frantically at the tactics that have worked in the past only to find we’re too far gone. Fallen so deeply into the pit.

Alas, does this mean there’s more to heal, more layers to be pulled back. The dark holds lessons we missed the last time we were triggered. Will we ever heal completely?

Distraction. Distraction. Distraction…………….Paint, read, paint, walk, write, stare at the wall, scroll Instagram, hide in your room, pop a valium, pour some wine………………peel yourself back like a sardine can……look at the content stuffed inside……cramped into a small space…..you never asked for the contents in the fucking can……….

Go though the motions. Go through them again. Meditate. Meditate again.

Sigh.

Accept the fact you’ve been triggered. Stop trying to fight it. Stop feeling guilty for being human. Being vulnerable. Stop apologizing for the fact you haven’t fucking arrived yet. You’re not as strong as you pretend to be.

Mary Lambert is a beautiful, bad ass woman. I adore all of her albums.

15 thoughts on “Are You Freakin The Frack Out?

  1. Oh those protective layers, they can be so comfy. And then they are gone *poof* and there you are ‘in the nude’ (if feels like that to me). It always takes me a while to find that balance again. Trauma all good and well but life needs to be lived too.
    I hope you can protect yourself where needed. I wish you much self-love that can bring (self-)healing. I loved loved loved the rocks you painted and I started painting myself (on paper) because I found all my equipment back 🙂
    A very balanced hug!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So glad you found your supplies! 🙂
      It very much feels like being nude and like someone ran off with my dresser and the contents of my closet lol better grab some towels and start sewing!
      I’m spending a lot of time in my room. Probably confusing for Jase’s girls, but self preservation trumps all right now.
      Thanks for the hug!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read an article by mental health experts who wanted to spread the same message you do here: that the extreme times we are going through will have another unfortunate effect of reawakening old traumas people have suffered in the past. I’ve seen in in my own home life – our refugee “son” has suddenly withdrawn and spends his days alone in his room . . . Unfortunately, he doesn’t have your self-awareness to help him through this. I worry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this Mare. It doesn’t matter how far we come on our personal journey there are always those moments when we get flung backwards. I don’t think it is a problem to get thrown – I think it is only a problem if we stay back there – remember – we can also use that backward motion as a catapult and fly forwards again too – twice as far. Go girl – love the music love your art – you’ll be fine, deal with whatever this experience is teaching you and then fly forwards again. Big love ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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