There Are No Experts

Photo by me

I came across a poem I wrote last January when I was in the throes of a deep depression.

I was suicidal for a good 3 months. The darkness was so thick it made everything black. Looking back at these words, I can see there was a distant hope that I couldn’t feel at the time:

“Peaceful corner ~ My fragility in an envelope of down.

Piano music ~ a remembrance that I live ~ a distant depth ~ I am not the blackness

I am every color ~ every emotion ~every language ~ humanness ~ Spirit connected

Depression is stillness ~ Stillness is beauty ~ stillness bears hope ~ rounding the corner ~ the fog will dissipate ~ a first breath ~ cells creeping from their coma ~ hang on Mare for nothing can last forever

I honestly don’t know what lifted it. I remember thinking “Who will take care of the cat if I kill myself?” Little 4 legged friend who found us just 2 months prior to the depression.

Cricket

I can remember being depressed as a teenager.

I remember downing an entire bottle of aspirin. I didn’t know how to ask for help.

Last winter I knew to ask for help. To share what I was going though. There were some who avoided me like a disease, others who shared their own experiences, and some who gave me blank stares.

Depression is real. Just because you aren’t feeling it at the present moment does not mean it itsn’t. Maybe you’re one of the few who’ve never felt it, I urge you to be compassionate and understanding.

I’ll leave you with a few lines from Gary Zukav’s “The Seat of the Soul” as I find these words both beautiful and wise:

Who among us is an expert on the human experience? We have only the gift of sharing perceptions that hopefully can help those on their journey. There is no such thing as an expert on the human experience. The human experience is an experience in movement and thought and form, and in some cases an experiment in movement and thought and form. The most that we can do is comment on the movement, the thought and the form, but those comments are of great value if they can help people to learn to move gracefully, to think clearly, to form – like artists- the matter of their lives.

12 thoughts on “There Are No Experts

  1. I’m glad you were able to ask for help and received the support you needed. The world would be so much less colorful without Mare! My mother was clinically depressed for most of her life. It runs in our family so I understand how debilitating depression can be. Thanks for sharing your experience. Big hugs 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand.
    And you are correct… those who have never experienced feeling this way will never understand.

    It used to be something I would try to run from…I could feel it coming on and my initial response would be to try anything not to feel it.

    It still scares me, but I have been trying very hard to co-exist…to understand that I do not go away…I am not less because of it…perhaps maybe I am more.

    A virtual hug…oops…social distance! Stay well…be safe. Thanks for sharing your soul!
    💜

    Like

  3. Beautiful words. We can only try to support the movement, the thought and the form by simply being there for others. Animals sometimes can do so much more as they are different to us than humans. I’m glad the cat found you and that you pulled through, for the cat and for all of us who know you.

    Liked by 1 person

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