My heart is a tangle of thoughts, emotions, experiences, circumstances, and beliefs.
Stuck in a web of spiritual knowing and medical information.
This journey so far has unveiled that I never enter into deep sleep, there’s a cyst on my spinal column, vitamin deficiencies and Epstein Barr Virus.
We learned of the spinal cyst this week. It explains why my hiking and running abilities have slowly diminished. Why riding a bike is nearly impossible. Walking up stairs requires such mental focus.
They can run tests on my nerves to see the extent of the damage. I can also speak to a neurosurgeon.
So, here I sit.
More blood work is scheduled, I have an appointment with a pain management clinic etc…….I am on sleep meds to reset my body and hopefully get it back into deep sleep. I have a candy store of muscle relaxers, vitamins, and some weird pain med.
As I type, the entire left side of my body is numb and tingling. There’s aching and burning in all muscles and joints. My eyes feel sunken in and my face feels like it’s sliding off. My feet are frozen, my hands are hot.
I have 2 choices.
#1: Focus on all the sensations and go stark raving mad. Dive head first into anger and hatred over how my meat suit feels. How I feel betrayed by the body I thought I was taking care of with exercise and nutrition. Resistance at its’ finest.
#2: Accept what is, breathe deeply, and focus on what I know to be true for me.
MY TRUTH.
My truth can not be taken from me.
I do believe the key to surviving the human experience is to find your truth. Find it, cling to it, understand that it’s yours, and if you tend to it, it will grow deeper and more beautiful over time.
In a world where numerous beliefs are circulating, you have the right to find what is true for you without making anyone else wrong. (I am guilty of going though a phase of thinking I had it all figured out.)
A belief that says “this is the ONLY way” is a belief of fear and controll.
That’s all I have for today. Be well, be kind, and find something to laugh about.
Thank you for reading.
Your truth, your path and your inner journey. It’s all so important, sometimes difficult not to be distracted by all other things going on.
I share your difficulties about not getting into deep sleep. As a result you’re never rested. I have medication but now I started to grind my teeth what doesn’t allow me to relax during the night and prevents a good night sleep. Of to the dentist tomorrow.
The wheel of life keeps spinning …
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Not sleeping is the pits! How the heck are our bodies supposed to heal and recover? I’m a chronic jaw clencher as well. Had to have a root canal from biting so hard I cracked a tooth. I assume you’re a member of the Type A club as well 🙂 Best to you at the dentist!
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A root canal! The horror but when it needs to be done. I’m afraid I don’t know what the Type A club is, can you explain? Maybe it’s a fun club? I’m going to the dentist today, can’t wait because can’t easily eat. No sleep and no food, something needs to be done!
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Type A and Type B personality hypothesis describes two contrasting personality types. In this hypothesis, personalities that are more competitive, highly organized, ambitious, impatient, highly aware of time management and/or aggressive are labeled Type A, while more relaxed, less ‘neurotic’, ‘frantic’, ‘explainable’, personalities are labeled Type B.
Good luck today 🙂
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I think of me as being organized, ambitious and good in management but it went down the drain with the life challenges. But impatient stayed 😆
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I hear ya! I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me as well………….
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Can we save face while making a nice spin while we wave bye bye to the rug?
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Amen 🙂 my replacement rug is much nicer lol
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That is some sweet revenge!
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Ah sweets, I’m sorry to hear about your health issues. It would be tough waiting to hear what’s wrong and even tougher to find out that there are ongoing issues. Sending you a virtual hug. ❤
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Thank you 🙂 I’m currently enjoying a mango mimosa while perched upon my heating pad. There are some things I’m just not giving up right now
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I wish I were sipping one too just about now!
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At least you have some answers. Hopefully, it will get only better from now on.
Sleep whenever you can.
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I am so sorry to hear this news but also relieved because you finally have some answers! I’m amazed that you’re managing to stay so positive. I know for a fact that I’d be raging at my “body’s betrayal” as you put it. Maybe you could do a little of both 1 & 2 for the sake of balance? It’s all well and good to breathe and eventually accept the situation, but it’s perfectly acceptable to feel angry or sad too. Just my 2 cents worth…
Living your truth is wise and there’s no better woman to push through this painful period of life! I wish it didn’t suck quite so much. Sleep deprivation alone is a killer. Sending you a big virtual hug and healing energy ✨🤗✨
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Thank you for your kind words Robin 🙂 I hope you and the family are well! It’s been a roller coaster ride and I’m hoping to make the “belly drops” a little less intense by allowing myself to feel what I need to feel and then allow what I know as truth to resurface.
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❤️❤️❤️
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I love this – I am becoming aware also of this anchor, this certainty that I can hold to when storms of uncertainty and emotional turmoil move in – there is no one strong enough out there – it is found in here. Love this – hopefully you are now on the path to solutions and healing. Stay with your truth – this is beautiful.
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Thank you Kate 🙂 I’m writing journal entries admitting how I feel and that I may not see the spiritual solution at the moment but I know one exists. I ask for help in uncovering it. It feels so much kinder to self than berating myself for “negative” emotions. Letting go of feeling like I have to change it gives me great peace. We are one with the “universe”, so why not bring everything to the table and ask for help. I’ve carried the weight of my lower self on my shoulders for far to long.
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