Put Your Fangs Away

Cricket the Cat

I seem to be moving in and out of gratitude, anger and fear.

I’ll take movement over stagnation any day.

Millions of people are suffering daily for multitudes of reasons, I’m well aware.

But this is my story. My corner to vent, show my fangs and then put them away.

As of late, I use all of my energy for work. When I say “energy”, it’s a lie, because I don’t have any. A better description is, I’m forcing myself to work, and my bank account is still at a negative balance, but on the bright side I have February’s rent.

Is it weird to say it’s a relief to not have enough money? I’ve been afraid of not having enough since my divorce and now that it’s happening I’m kind of relieved. I’ve traumatized myself for years and the trauma is over. My worst fear has materialized and it’s not as bad as I thought. Put rent first so you have a roof over your head and let the bill collectors do their jobs so they don’t get bored. I’m all about helping others.

Illness is slowly dissolving worries about certain subjects. The situation is too big for my humanness to figure out.

Everyday I feel as if I pedaled a bike up Mt. Everest through quick sand.

Being angry doesn’t feel good so I’m moving on. I’m putting my fangs away until further notice.

8 thoughts on “Put Your Fangs Away

  1. I love that you said that now that your worst fear is realised it doesn’t feel as bad as you thought it would – I think we can only be supported and saved in the moment – not in all the hours that we worry beforehand so your post is a timely reminder to me to live in the moment and cease to be anxious – I will be helped in the moment, it’ll be okay, nothing is as bad as I think it’s going to be and nothing is as soul eating as fear. Thanks Mare.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re welcome friend 🙂 You put it beautifully and today I will repeat ” I am saved and supported in this moment.” I’m writing it in my journal now.
      It will be a comfort, as today I head off for 2 more MRI’s. Laying there is a great place to focus on my breath and meditation!

      Like

Leave a Reply to Sam "Goldie" Kirk Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s