Do you ever feel “bland”?
It’s how I describe my mood and life at the moment.
I appreciate bland. For years I’ve been a “seeker”, looking for answers, looking for hobbies, looking for “IT”.
I’ve been addicted to novelty and the adrenaline rush of newness. I’ve never been settled.
It’s safe to say most of us go through a seeking phase in our youth. Feeling compelled to carve out who we are. Stand out. Be seen.
For years I sought physical and spiritual perfection. Subconsciously I wanted to prove I deserved to be here. I look back and chuckle at my antics.
Here I am with failing health, barely able to keep weight on my little body. I fluctuate between anger and gratitude.
I’m grateful for the slowing down. I’m letting go of fear, letting go of control, letting go of everything I thought I knew.
I am reminded that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I am learning to be quiet and listen to Source.
Source is what I refer to as the “non-physical presence”. Call it whatever you want. God, Buddha, Universe. It’s all the same. I prefer Source.
I’m thankful for the stillness within, it’s why I feel bland. It’s a stark contrast to my constant “doing” that I’m accustomed to.
I have a feeling that my being forced to slow down will be one of the best things to ever happen to me.
Here’s a song by Rising Appalachia that I’m currently addicted to. They are sisters with powerful lyrics and music.