Do you ever feel “bland”?
It’s how I describe my mood and life at the moment.
I appreciate bland. For years I’ve been a “seeker”, looking for answers, looking for hobbies, looking for “IT”.
I’ve been addicted to novelty and the adrenaline rush of newness. I’ve never been settled.
It’s safe to say most of us go through a seeking phase in our youth. Feeling compelled to carve out who we are. Stand out. Be seen.
For years I sought physical and spiritual perfection. Subconsciously I wanted to prove I deserved to be here. I look back and chuckle at my antics.
Here I am with failing health, barely able to keep weight on my little body. I fluctuate between anger and gratitude.
I’m grateful for the slowing down. I’m letting go of fear, letting go of control, letting go of everything I thought I knew.
I am reminded that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I am learning to be quiet and listen to Source.
Source is what I refer to as the “non-physical presence”. Call it whatever you want. God, Buddha, Universe. It’s all the same. I prefer Source.
I’m thankful for the stillness within, it’s why I feel bland. It’s a stark contrast to my constant “doing” that I’m accustomed to.
I have a feeling that my being forced to slow down will be one of the best things to ever happen to me.
Here’s a song by Rising Appalachia that I’m currently addicted to. They are sisters with powerful lyrics and music.
I don’t feel bland but I can feel grey, all 100 shades of it and not in any fun or kinky way.
The stillness within can be a blessing. When you’re slowed down it can be a gift. I found it not that easy to unpack but here we are. Nature does what nature does.
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Haha! The grey comment makes me chuckle, never read or saw the movies, too scared to! Yes, accepting stillness is a stormy place at times. I’m still doing more than I should be and I get scared I’ll have to give everything up. I’m learning to trust the process
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I hope it gets better for you. With me it really took me a long time to let go and to accept what is. I don’t know if I’m actually at that point. It is hard work but life moves on; we know that for sure.
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My biggest struggle is knowing at some point I wont be able to pay some of my bills. It scares me, but I know it’s not the end of the world.
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Oh the money! I have problems with the administration and still have no benefits and I am still not able to work. Somehow the Universe needs to conspire to propel me in a right direction.
I hope there will be a good solution for your situation! Fingers crossed!
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I don’t call it “bland,” but “neutral,” or “content.” That’s a state I’m in in which I don’t really experience grand emotions or things.
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I’m glad you are there, I’m learning it’s a pretty nice place to be. Jase has been there for a while.
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I know you have a lot to deal with and maybe it is not the best timing but who knows … I thought a Liebster Award could bring you some little joy 🙂
I wish you a good weekend.
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This is Jase, not Mare. Just making a comment about being in this place in life. I am in the gray, the neutral, the calm in the eye of the storm, sitting comfortably and happy in the endless cycle of mundane.
I like it. It feels really great. It is peaceful and stable. I no longer live for the adrenaline or the newness of everything. I’m not really a searcher anymore. Sometimes Mare has to check me for a pulse. Its there…just slower and less pressure.
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Great song! Resonates. Looking into more from these guys. Thanks for sharing.
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I like “Source”! In the beginning all was still. So, I guess stillness will engender a repose of mind akin to that which brought us forth. Reminding us that we are indeed spiritual beings having a human experience. That’s a good place to be!
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