Life Can Be A Poke In The Ass

I’m short on laughter these days. This photo makes me laugh.

I want so badly to construct an inspiring blog post. To piece together something wise and well thought out.

I got nothin.

I feel like a piece of shit. My body feels like there’s static running though it. Every muscle and joint feels like someone took a blow torch to them. My head feels foggy and dizzy. My thoughts are dark and my sanity is faint. My brain is in a daze, it’s hard to talk in complete sentences.

I want to give full vent to the depth of how intensely awful my body feels. Letting go is terrifying. Letting go means admitting and accepting I’m falling apart. I’m angry. So fucking angry. I’ve lived a relatively healthy existence compared to most. Healthy choices are no guarantee to good health.

Life is a poke in the ass. I’ve never been poked in the ass, so I can only relate to the slang of the phrase.

No amount of meditating, pod casts, music, healthy food, deep breathing, stretching, spiritual books etc can touch what has taken over my body and mind.

I’m sad for anyone dealing with physical and/or mental illness. No one asks to feel like garbage. No one asks to have the rug pulled out from under them. This stuff can not be planned for.

I am stripped bare. I have nothing to offer physically, mentally or financially to another living soul. There is nothing boast worthy about this life. I am a shell.

The part of me that holds on to hope says, “My dear, this is the best place to be. An empty vessel. You are walking through the fire. Let go, there is a purpose to everything. “

6 thoughts on “Life Can Be A Poke In The Ass

  1. You feel you have nothing wise to say? This Mare is beautiful raw unedited human writing – I wish you didn’t have to go through this but don’t think you have nothing to say and it exactly right. I am a huge believer of natural medicine and alternative therapy – till I get sick. No amount of podcasts and meditation..exactly – when we are poked and prodded and left flattened some times we have to just lay down – stay there till we’ve learnt whatever hell taught lesson we’re supposed to learn. And none of what I say makes a damn squirt of difference either so I’ll stop saying it – you’re a strong spirit – see you tomorrow when you write some more wise things.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I do not have much solace to offer. I know things can get pretty low. But I always recommend hope and seeing SOME good in our lives.

    “Healthy choices are no guarantee to good health.” It’s so true. We cannot predict what will happen. We cannot make ourselves immortal. What will happen, will happen, no matter how hard we try to fight against it.

    I’m glad you found something to make you laugh. Tomorrow is a potential day FILLED with laughter. Who knows?

    Liked by 1 person

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