On The Outside Looking In

Life can feel like something we caught out of the corner of our eye, instead of the rich experience it is meant to be.

Fighting numbness in our daily routine is a battle worth fighting. Put on your armor and get to task.

Stand on the outside of your life. Take a look from a different angle.

What do you see dear one?

I laid in bed last night, my body screaming with pain, worrying about money, unable to sleep. I took the med the doc prescribed and hours later was crying my eyes out still unable to sleep. I woke Jase and took a second med……..still no sleep…..meditation……reading…..pacing about the house…….thinking about my upcoming brain MRI…….the kids coming for the holidays…….

Today, I saw adventure.

I stood outside our fully furnished rented cabin with Cricket and looked inside. We’ve been on a 3 year adventure that’s still being written.

I saw our books strewn about, our favorite spots on the couch, the orchid still in bloom from a sweet girl embarking on her first year in college, the succulents given to me by a dear friend. The furniture we don’t own and wont have to fuck with when we decide to move on. The view, oh my god, the view we wake up to every morning.

I heard the conversations and arguments that have made our relationship stronger, the dinners with my boys, the tender moments and laughter. The joy Cricket brings everyday.

We don’t own any of it, but holy shit, we are here, this is our life right now. I waste days worrying and feeling anxious about my health and finances. I worry for my children’s safety. I’m wasting what’s in front of me.

Worry is eating me from the inside out.

So I stood on the outside and took a look with in.

11 thoughts on “On The Outside Looking In

  1. Ahhh I’m a worrier too – I was flicking through a little handwritten journal of mine this morning from a year or so ago – I was looking for a quote about something else and I found this “when I worry deeply about something I try to recall that people have far greater worries then me and then I think what those worries might be and eventually I am deeply grateful I’ve only got my small worries” I had written that and then forgotten it. I used it again this morning because lately I seem to be worried about a lot of small things – it helps to think of just how big a worry someone else might have and be glad of my small ones. Does this make sense? I hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It makes perfect sense 🙂 I used to work at a homeless shelter and will never get the individuals out of my heart and mind. There is so much happening in this world all the time. It helps to remember we are all together learning what we need to. We watched “the fault in our stars” last night. I find digging in to deep emotion like that helps me to surface out of my own looping patterns.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just saying hi here. I know what it’s like to worry about one’s health, because health equates with freedom. Finances too. I’ve never taken on kids though because I thought I was barely able to care for myself. Thinking of you, hoping you find a way. Enjoying your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello! 🙂 There’s always a way right? Well, let’s hope so anyway. There’s a song “Green Mountain State” by Trevor Hall that says there’s a way………it’s the chorus line, good reminder

      Like

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