Freaking In

Photo by me

Unsettled days leave you fidgety in body and mind. Looking for a release. It’s too early to have a glass of wine. If you have a glass at 2pm that’s called escapism. Wait until 5, you won’t feel as guilty.

There’s nothing I want to do. Plenty I should do. I’m lacking in energy from having worked 6 days this week.

My head swirls with anxiety. I laugh at my awkwardness. It’s comical to watch myself as an outsider. Look at the unsettled mid lifer in her flannel pajamas. She reads a book for 5 mins……..scrubs the shower for 10……..sits on the deck and stares at a tree……opens the fridge…….closes the fridge……what is this mediocre mountain mama waiting for…..searching for?????

Being an adult sucks dick.

There’s no one around to give you ideas or tell you what to do. Life can become a shapeless blob. There’s no structure unless you give it structure. No one is going to save you.

If you’re a wise, conscious adult, you see the futility of the structure and everything feels like a fucking waste of time. Gone are the days of naivety. You’ve lived too much. Seen too much.

In your spiritual little heart of hearts you know everything matters, everything is connected and nothing is wasted.

Where’s my fucking wine glass?

2 thoughts on “Freaking In

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