As I settle into the rigorous self care circus that has become my life, I’m learning to be quiet with in myself.
I have to slow down or I will not repair.
I see startling differences between the two types of survival.
Survival mode #1: The task master pay the bills at any price. Drive your health into the ground. Search, search, search and search some more for ways in which to do this. Work 10 to 12 hour days cleaning homes and working retail. You must survive………but there’s never enough……not enough time…..not enough resources……..YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH
Survival mode #2: You dumb fuck, slow down.
Both sides can be self centered.
As I care for my body the way it’s intended to be cared for, I’m learning to see. I see details in the tiniest things, and it’s no longer the details of cleaning someone’s toilet to perfection with a toothbrush and toothpick in hand.
Awareness is blooming once again.
What truly matters is moving from my head space into my heart space.
Ideas of helping others who feel worse than I do are stirring in my soul. Visions of bringing laughter into places that are not funny.
We are all a little sick in some way, shape or form………..