Shit happens to everyone.
Shitting your pants, well that only happens to a few. Or is it that most people are too embarrassed to admit it.
Well, I’m done being embarrassed and I’m also learning to put myself first. I’ve been forced to conquer some health issues and have had a week of failure. I was in bed most of the week and developed major tummy upset resulting in hours of potty time.
Every Friday I clean the home of a couple that are nothing short of wonderful. I did not want to let them down along with the 4 other families I had already let down this week. So after a 2 hour venture on the potty I took route to their home. Half way there, you guessed it………
Miss poopy pants.
I pulled to the side of the road in utter disbelief and called the couple. There’s no eloquent way to say “I shit myself on the way to your house. I have to go home. No I will not be showing my face in your home today even after I clean myself up.”
Once safe at home, I remembered that the couple had their 90 year old parents coming in from out of town and could have desperately used my help. They even contacted me back and said they’d pay the full amount if I felt up to just cleaning the kitchen. I seriously considered going, not for the money, but out of sheer guilt.
My body is in full rebellion of the work schedule I’ve put it through for so many years. It’s pissed and it’s not beating around the bush any longer. It’s literally screaming: “Let me rest, or so help me, I WILL MAKE YOU SHIT YOURSELF!”
I was awake at 3 am sick with guilt. Picturing the mayhem my inability to heal caused for this family. Try as I may to focus on my breath or repeat a mantra to interrupt my train of thought, it’s like grasping at straws.
My question is this? Why do we put ourselves last until we break? Then even at the breaking point we keep striving to do a little bit more. Why the guilt?
There are so many emotions that come with illness. I keep facing each one, bringing curiosity to the table to see what it is I need to learn.
You can bet your clean underwear I’ve learned to never leave the house with a bout of diarrhea no matter who I disappoint.