The Mighty Pelvic Ultrasound

Awkward as fuck. I’ve given birth to 4 humans and 1 cat. That means my vag has been invaded more times than I can count. It never ceases to be uncomfortable when a stranger inserts something into your hoo ha.

I had the pleasure of a pelvic ultrasound this morning.

I plainly told the tech how awkward it was and will forever be no matter how many times I’ve had my feet in metal stirrups. We shared an odd chuckle and eye contact while I was being probed.

It took 45 minutes.

That’s a long time when your pants less with your feet in stirrups. My mind became a ping pong ball. “Should I strike up a conversation? Will she fuck this up if I do? Will it take longer if I ask her questions?”

Uncomfortable silence ensues.

Stinkin Thinkin

I tossed out a ginormous yet empty jug of Bacardi at a campground recently and was reminded that we have no control of how others see/think about us. To the common stranger it looked as if Jase and I drank an entire jug of rum in one quick night of camping. Only I knew that we’d been working on that jug for weeks. At that moment I kind of wish I had a loud speaker to announce to my fellow campers that we were not the lushes we appeared to be.

The take away: Don’t size others up based on the tiny bits of information you see, and start doing strange things on purpose to freak people out.

What I should have done is fill the Bacardi bottle with water and stood at the dumpster chugging it before tossing it out.