Vulvodynia: Fire in the Vag Hole

Vulvodynia (vul-voe-DIN-e-uh) is chronic pain or discomfort around the opening of your vagina (vulva) for which there’s no identifiable cause and which lasts at least three months. The pain, burning or irritation associated with vulvodynia can make you so uncomfortable that sitting for long periods or having sex becomes unthinkable. The condition can last for months to years.

So I’ve got this going for me. All my lady part tests came back NORMAL. Where does that leave my lady J? On fire folks. I was given a prescription of lidocaine to numb my little slice of heaven.

Your pain might be constant or occasional. It might occur only when the sensitive area is touched (provoked).

Don’t even think about “provoking” my hoo-ha with your cactus sword. Oh wait, I know, I’ll slather on some lidocaine and neither of us will feel a thing.

Because it can be painful and frustrating and can keep you from wanting sex, vulvodynia can cause emotional problems. For example, fear of having sex can cause spasms in the muscles around your vagina (vaginismus).

My Vagina is “spasming” not orgasming……..spasming……..

Aside from the horror film that is now my sex life, what about daily life in general? I’m supposed to just live with a burning sensation and conduct business as usual? Carry around a gallon jug of lidocaine? Let me delight your senses with some medical jargon that I found on Web MD and Mayo Clinic.

Signs and Symptoms of Vulvodynia

Symptoms of vulvodynia usually begin suddenly and can last anywhere from months to years.

These are the most common symptoms of vulvodynia:

  • Burning, stinging, or rawness
  • Aching, soreness, or throbbing
  • Itching

You may feel symptoms of vulvodynia:

  • All the time or just once in a while
  • During activities such as exercise, intercourse, or walking — or even while at rest
  • While bicycling, inserting tampons, or even sitting
  • In one specific area or throughout your entire vulva

Holy shit Web MD and Mayo Clinic you missed a few important life activities. Why have you chosen bicycling and inserting tampons????? Just say it: Your crotch will be on fire 24 fucking 7 and will make you feel clinically insane. We don’t know for how long, how to fix it or why………

Well fuck. That’s life right now. My vag is a chronic bon fire that I don’t get a break from. It’s not like a broken limb that you can easily talk about with your pals and coworkers. “Hey y’all, I’m kind of bitchy today. I have a lit match stick between my legs. A raging inferno that has no cure. I swear I don’t have cooties.”

One thought on “Vulvodynia: Fire in the Vag Hole

  1. Pingback: Let’s Talk About Your Vagina | This Experi-"mental" Life

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